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Taking a shower is a luxury – I’m pretty sure that I can speak for all moms on this one. I remember times where I didn’t shower for days. Yes, days. My child’s spit up and drool may have encrusted my hair for more time than is normal but, when you are completely sleep deprived and thrown into the vortex of this new job, personal hygiene really is a luxury. Call a friend over if you need to, ask your partner for support (something I would have done if I had one) or lay your babe in a laundry basket on the bathroom floor if you need to – because there is no better feeling than hot water and steam melting off that crusty milk. I can assure you that as soon as you're out of that spa-like experience, your babe will be ready to spit up all over you again.
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You’ll receive a lot of unsolicited advice – It’s taken a lot of effort and time (read: years) for me to learn how to bite my tongue at unsolicited advice. If I had the same patience then that I do now, I would simply smile, say ok, and do whatever the f*ck I want to do. All sorts of people – family and strangers included – will tell you things to make your already overly hormonal self cringe and possibly want to throw something. They mean well. Smile, say ok, and move on. When you’re kids get older, you’ll realize that none of it really mattered anyways.
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You’ll probably cry, a lot – Between the sleepless nights, lack of showering, piles of dirty laundry and brain fog, you will cry. You’ll wonder how you ever got into this and tell yourself that you must be doing it all wrong. Well, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re doing the best you know how and that is the best your babe can ask for. Ride the wave and let it out. Of course, if you are experiencing inhibiting thoughts or signs of postpartum depression, know that there are resources and services available to you through organizations like Mt. Sinai Hospital and CAMH.
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You won’t remember what life felt like before baby arrived – Your life before baby will seem like an entire galaxy and another lifetime away. Your routines, priorities, and even your identity will shift dramatically. Of course, you think you’ll be that one mom who never lets this happen to her. I’m sorry to tell you – it will. Weekend brunches, spontaneous travel and uninterrupted binge watching will be replaced with diaper changes, and feeding and nap schedules.
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Sleep is a precious commodity – I always tell new parents this: sleep whenever you can! You’ll soon discover that even a short nap (for yourself!) will feel like pure gold. Don’t shy away from asking for help so you can rest - whether it’s from your partner, family or friends. Over time, your baby’s sleep patterns will improve, and so will yours. But, in the meantime, cherish every opportunity for shut-eye.
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You’ll feel an unconditional love that is so fierce and one you never knew was possible – You won’t remember what life felt like before your babe arrived and you’ll never know another love quite like this. This love is fierce, all-consuming and transformative. It can make you feel vulnerable in ways you didn’t anticipate—because now your heart walks around outside of your body.
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Your home will be a constant mess (and you shouldn’t worry about it) – Forget those Pinterest-perfect nurseries or Instagram-worthy playrooms. Real motherhood comes with clutter and tornadoes: toys scattered across the floor, laundry piling up and dishes that seem to multiply overnight. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed or even embarrassed by the mess, but remember, this is a phase. Embrace the chaos because it’s a sign of life and love. The house doesn’t need to be spotless—your sanity matters more. Tidy up when you can, but don’t stress over the rest.
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Your kids will grow to push all of your buttons and sometimes, you might hate them for it (but only momentarily) – As your kids get older, you’ll discover that they have a knack for testing your patience (cue them talking back to you and sounding just like you. Ugh). You’ll learn how to navigate the ups and downs. It won’t always be easy but each phase is just that – a phase. Find humour in the chaos and learn to let go of the small stuff.
- No one will love you more than your kids love you – Be unapologetically you because your kids look up you, admire you, depend on you and cherish you like no one else ever will. Even when you smell like crusty milk.
Motherhood is raw, messy and deeply beautiful. Buckle up and enjoy the ride!
Cuddle,
Suzanne
